No Beaks: The End?

Funny People

Finding funny things on the Television is getting hard these days.  You usually have to search the movies for a good comedy.  And that is sure getting to be quite a task.  Apparently the only funny people in America are Will Ferrell and Ben Stiller.  I, however, have discovered two really funny things to watch in the past week.  One is a movie and is funny because of one guy...  the other is a sit-com and is just funny.

1)  I watched the Benchwarmers on Sunday morning because I woke up at like 6 am.  It was actually the dumbest movie I've ever seen, but Nick Swardson, who plays a shut in that is scared of the outside is hilarious.  I texted Squad, who is a known comedienneteur (I think I just created a new word), and asked  him about Swardson.  His initial reply was rather crude, but eventually informed me his work is pretty impressive.  Go here and check it out.

2)  Next...  The Big Bang Theory.  It's on Mondays at 7:30 pm.  To be honest, it's probably the funniest new sit-com I've seen since 30 Rock.  It isn't great but the combo of Jim Parson's as Sheldon and  Simon Heldberg as Howard create some pretty good laughs.  Not great...  but not not bad for a Monday.  It's right after How I Married Your Mother and if it wasn't for Heroes just before Two and a Half Men...  Monday is becoming a funny day.

3) This is funny...  watch Apacalypto.  It will show you that Mel Gibson has lost his mind.

Adieu...  (this will be my new tag line and am claiming it as my own... in order to prevent the Squad from claiming it as his own in three months)

Television Recap

Well, the Fall TV season is in full swing now and here is my recap of sleepers (These shows are putting me to sleep), keepers (I'll keep watching) and bleepers (Fuck this show is good and now I have to watch it all the time!).

Sleepers:

I'm not too impressed with Heroes so far this season.  I just don't appreciate being jerked around for a month before anything happens.  So far...  nothing has happened.

Journeyman seemed like a good idea.  A guy travels back in time.  No tricks and no science, just gets a headache and goes.  But he goes back and helps people and doesn't do any cool things like make millions betting on sure things or improving his future.  Lame!

Pushing Daisies...  it is a great show visually.  But it really didn't have me saying...  "Can't wait to see what happens next week."

Keepers:

Some of my standards that are going strong, How I Met Your Mother (which guest starred Danica McKellar a.k.a. Winnie Cooper of The Wonder Years last night, click here to read about her!), Law and Order SVU, Survivor, the Office and ER.

The Office has really brought it this year. 

I've had to pass on 30 Rock because it conflicts with Survivor, but when Survivor is done this fall, I'll be back and get the rest on DVD next summer/fall.

Bleepers:

I strayed from Kid Nation last week to watch Pushing Daisies.  I'm going back this week for no other reason as this kids debate over their different religious beliefs!  My kind of discussion!

For some reason I've started watching House and have become addicted to it.  I think it used to conflict with another show I watched...  which apparently isn't on anymore.  This should make Squad happy.

Kitchen Nightmares, Big Bang Theory and Life round out the list of new shows that I've started watching.

Kitchen Nightmares is okay if you get into Gordon Ramsey swearing at people.  Big Bang Theory is pretty funny and is squeezed between How I Met My Mother and Two and Half Men, which may mean it will stick or may be gone forever.  Life is a quirky but entertaining Detective show.  The main character is the guy from When We Were Soldiers, Maj. Winters.  He is good.

Friday Night Lights rounds out the shows I'll be Tivoing and/or watching religiously if for no other reason than I have serious problems.

Other shows to note:

I've watched the first two selections of The War on PBS.  It is replaying often and may be worth a DVR or TiVo pick up for those slow Saturday/Sunday afternoons when it's a Bye week.

I found the MLB Divisional Series Games pretty boring so far.  Only one non-sweep and very little excitement.  I'm still calling Indians vs. D-Bags.  Injuns sweep!

Compare and Contrast

So pretty much this summer, besides Rescue Me and the final shows of Studio 60 on Sunset Script, I've been nose deep in these two:  Hell's Kitchen and Top Chef:  Miami. 

Therefore, being that both shows are relatively similar in that they involve cooking, I've decided to create a comparison/contrast discussion of these two shows.  (Can anyone tell that I am missing being in the classroom?)

So...  her we go.

Hell's Kitchen  vs. Top Chef:  Miami

Gordon Ramsey vs. Tom Colicchio, Padma Lakshmi and Gail Simmons

Okay...  Gordo wins this hands down!  Pretty much just cause of that Padma broad.  I'm not sure why she gets to judge...  Is it because it looks like she hasn't eaten in about 2 years?

Hell's Kitchen chefs vs. Top Chef chefs

Top Chef wins this one...  I mean they are all actual chefs and not a conglomeration of pizza makers, nannies and glorified sous chefs.

Hell's drama vs. Top Chef drama

Hell's kitchen has by far the better drama package.  Seriously, the last fifteen minutes of listening to Ramsey call all the Hell's chefs donkeys and telling them to fuck off is better than anything Colicchio has to offer.

Hell's hotties vs. Top Chef hotties

Being a guy, the hottie factor is always something I look for in a show...  sorry Boss but it's true.  I am a man fod God's sake.  And is it me or are the majority of female chefs either lesbians or ex-members of Hole?  In this category Hell's wins considering that only one of the girls was an actual chef.  Melissa is a major bitch, but kind of hot.  The arguement could be made that Padma is the hottest of anyone...  but fuck her.

Lastly,  the overall winner would be Hell's Kitchen.  It may all be staged and bullshit.  But hey, that's what makes good TV, right?

Get back to me next week when I compare Big Brother 8 to On the Lot!

(Also feel free to add your 2-cents on these comparisons.  Unless it's Slugger who just tends to talk about how Modern Marvels on Discovery is the only show he watches.)

My Top Ten Finales

Here I give you my top ten television finales for 2007:

10.  American Idol:  I know everyone thinks this show is lame, but I'll be watching tonight and tomorrow night to see Jordan or Blake take the prize.
9.  Scrubs:  I love this show.  The finale was just okay.
8.   Law and Order SVU and CI:  Tuesdays are Law and Order nights in this house! 
7.  ER:  This show has gotten progressively worse over the years, but when you see Ray with no legs in the last episode, it makes you think Nila has the "Worst Luck Ever!!!"
6.  Law and Order:  DA Jack McCoy quits in the end.  Nope, he'll be back with a hint that he may take the head DA seat when actor Fred Thompson starts his run for the 2008 presidential bid?
5.  30 Rock:  It happened a while back...  Alec survived his heart attack! 
4.  The Office:  I would say that the episode before the finale was better.  Dwight on the fire was pretty damn hilarious!
3.  Survivor:  Fiji:  Earl wins a dog fight at the end.  But poor Yau-Man.
2.  Heros:  Best show of the year.  We see the world is saved.  Some answers to who is good and evil are provided.  And Hiro's adventures start next season.
1.  Lost:  I'm pumped to see the brawl with the Others...  and is Locke still alive?

Get ready for some of the new summer shows and the White Sox!

The Last King of Scots Bulls

Hey...  you smell that?  It's the Bulls, they're done!  It was a good run though...  Skiles and the boys sure did do well by whoppin' up the Heat.  Better luck next year?  The funny thing is there is a lot of coincidence between this Bulls team and those of the late 80's and early 90's.  Remember, losing to a much better Pistons team?  Hopefully, that means much better things to come for Chicago!

Lastly, I viewed the Last King of Scotland this weekend.  It is a good movie and I suggest it to anyone.  Forest Whitaker is absolutely brilliant as the simple minded and maniacal Ugandan dictator Idi Amin.  After his stint on ER and this movie, Whitaker is really close to getting a shot as the official celebrity mascot of No Beaks and replacing Alec Baldwin... 

Some other flicks I've watched recently were Flags of our Fathers, it's okay, not the best WWII movie I've seen.  Also, I watched Snakes on a Plane last weekend and must say that it is one of the BEST WORST movies I've ever seen.  If anything, watch it just to hear the line, "Will somebody get this snake off my ass!"  It's classic!

Okay...  yip and peace out!

Entertainment Mumbo Jumbo

As all of you may have heard by now, a No Beaks favorite, Alec Baldwin, has fallen under some scrutiny over the last several days.  It all stems from this call, to his 12 year old daughter, which was left on a voice mail and released to the tabloids.

Now, I did have the opportunity to meet Alec or Baldy, as he told me to call him, while vacationing in Barbados one year.  He approached me at the Tiki bar at our resort and offered to buy me a Mai Tai.  It didn't matter we were at an all inclusive resort, I agreed and we started to chat.  It was only a brief coversation, covering the gamut of topics from politics to sports and former movie roles, he did loosely use the phrase "his bitch ex-wife Kim," several times.  Yet, I cannot give justice to the sincere and genuine man he truly is.

As for his family, I cannot explain their demeanor.  However, I must question the intentions surrounding a 12-year old or those around her who release the voice mail of her father to the media.  I've been around some 12-year olds as a former gardener and let me tell you, they aren't all cotton candy and bumble bees if you know what I mean?

Anyway, Alec, our thoughts are with you...  my brother.

Next, I had the opportunity to take in a couple Netflix gems this weekend.  Idiocracy and Beer League.   Idiocracy isn't the best movie in the world but it is pretty funny.  The premise is ridiculous as it has Luke Wilson playing an army private who is put in a hibernation program and is forgotten about, along with a prostitute played by Maya Rudolph.  They  wake up 500 years later to find that the entire civilization of the world has devolved and become nearly retarded, lazy and obsessed with sex.  This leaves Luke as the smartest man in the world and the one who must fix all the problems that have arisen over the years, like crop shortages, which he finds has resulted because all water has been replaced by a Gatorade like substance.  Its gags like this and more that get a chuckle here and there...

As for Beer League...  dammit Artie Lange I love you buddy, but that movie was the dumbest and worst movie I've ever seen.  I'm still not sure what it was about...  Maybe not being from New Jersey or New York is the reason I didn't get it?  I dunno...  but I'd pass if you've thought about checking it out.

Routine

I noticed how well I've routinely been posting here on No Beaks.  It's all part of this routine I've gotten into the last couple of months.

Wake up 5:05 - 5:25 am

Take dog out to pee 5:25 - 5:30 am

Make coffee and breakfast 5:30 - 5:35 am

Post on No Beaks 5:35 - 6:15ish am

Shower, get ready for work, smoke a cigarette and leave 6:15 am - 7 am...

Once I get to work...  well you know what school is like.  There is not better place to follow a routine.  Hell, they even have bells to tell you when to move around and stuff. 

Usually, at night I get home the same time, take the dog out for a walk, the Boss makes dinner, sometimes I help, sometimes I don't, then we watch some TV and yell at the dog for chewing on things and finally bedtime.  Just to start all over again in the morning.

I guess in a way though it's comforting to have that routine.  You know.  Not having it would make life chaos.  We all have some routine in our lives I guess.  Well, anyway...  If you want to break up the routine today check out this...

Read about  19th Century Technology in America.

or
Download bowls.doc

Borat!

I'm baaaaaaacccccckkkkk!!!! 

This man below became a millionaire over the weekend?  Success!

What I miss?

Manny, sorry I missed ya out in K.C. buddy...  Next time.  Yeah! 

For those of you who missed it, here's Tom Skilling's weekly forecast.  Looks to be rather cloudy but mild!  Just the way I like my wings!

As for TV...  Are you sick of those political ads yet?  Well guess what...  today is the last day they will be gumming up your live TV watching!  Excited?  Don't care!?!?  Whatever...

Another thing, boys lets not get down cause the Bears lost on Sunday...  There's plenty of season left to go.  Just be glad we're 7-1 and not 2-6!

As for K. C.  It was a wonderful time!  The BBQ was really good...  they aren't lying about that stuff.  Also, their coloreds are very well behaved!

Lastly, did anyone else see Borat?  Fucking hilarious!  Nice!

TV Tuesdays

Everyone else is watching it...  so why not us!  Right?!?!?